1. Ongoing mechanisms - Ace of Swords
2. Me - The Fool
3. Him - Three of Coins (R)
4. Direction - Queen of Coins


Deck: The Magical Dogs Tarot - "magical loyalty". Not seldom that this deck come up when checking into this relationship.

1. Situation/Current Mechanisms: SIX OF FIRE (R)
I'm feeling rather successful right now, but he's most probably NOT that pleased with me. I'm creating a lot of Authentic Power now, learning a lot about life, and available tools (Tarot, dreams, timing, etc.) now - in the name of the "the collective awakening", the awakening of consciousness. But he, or no one in particular, will 'thank me for it'. It's not success to write about in the CV, or something to boast about in any form. It's the creation of Authentic Power and being able to vibrate with higher energies. Aligning my personality with my soul, and bring more love into this frightened world of ours - he being one of those highly in the grip of his Frightened Parts of his Personality.   
"don't let success go to your head"
"take the high road and maintain your honor and integrity"

I'm the one "catching the dreams" - listening to and searching for the hidden messages from the universe, and leading my life/steadily taking action from this (to the best of my current capacity). And practice staying as grounded as possible at the same time - tree.
"blessings come in may forms" not necessarily "a blooming relationship", but also - as now - in this sense of inner success.
"You're life is fertile now; it's the perfect time to activate the laws of attraction and manifest great things. Share your bounty with generosity, and be grateful for all that the universe has to offer.
I can't really see it in connection with money (the popular association with pentacles) - very little money coming in, other than from my father..! I also have a car breaking down, costing a lot of money! So, I see and feel that it's about other types of "resources", as usual.

3. Him: STRENGTH (R)
He's awfully passive in his life and undertakings. Often leaving things half done, or not at all. I'm discretely trying to inspire him and encourage him in many different way, but have as much impact as this tiny little kitten, playing with his tail on him - I'm far away from his sight, and he's looking in another direction!
He surely have trouble seeing me too, like I'm behind his back. Occasionally he happens to look in my direction, when he tries to wag his tail and sense there's something hanging there :D
But indeed, "he resists all urges to strike back against the many needle-sharp jabs digging into his tail." He's mastering his mood rather well with me, compared to how he can behave with others. I guess it is because of my aware, grounded action (AoP) that he somehow at least feel some degree of safety with me, and returns again and again despite my occasional needle-sharp jabs.
"Feeling vulnerable can lead to snapping at others around you, which is often regrettable" He rather represses it.
"weakness, intolerance, lack of self-discipline, cowardice, acting on impulse, bullying, fear" all fitting words to describe him, or rather, his behaviour/current personality

4. Advice/Focus On: THREE OF SKY (R)
It's impossible to make true connection with him. He's slick as an eel. There's almost always a sense of separation, as he puts his personality (frightened parts of it) between our souls.
Reversed - not to focus on the feelings of separation? As they are somehow an illusion. All is connected - always. And this is the ways things are now. 
Not that I should fool myself into believing that the separation isn't there, but neither to obsess about it nor to try to "fix" it. Let him continue to stay in (with) his shadows, like a card I draw the other day suggested. Let him stay concealed, but remain open and visible (naked) myself. 
Continue to be the one I want to be, despite his behaviour, despite him not daring to see or be himself.
Continue to "be there", but with my integrity intact - that's a challenge I'm still wrestling with.
"Three members of the sky pack have found their journey interrupted and their fellowship broken."
"The unrelenting storm has turned dry gullies to swift, raging streams and has cut them off from each other." Either one can see the relatively narrow gullies rationally, as technically having to be that narrow to be able to "fit the image into the card", or one can see them as theoretically jumpable? Which could then be symbolizing the illusion of separateness. Anyhow...
"One turns in sorrow to look upon his companions (me), another howls in her loneliness (him), and the third casts a heart-breaking gaze at the swiftly rising waters that threaten to separate them further (maybe both)"    
"It's hard, but now it's time to liberate your heart from the past. It doesn't mean you have to forget, but it is time to let yourself heal." There's no reason to cling to his behaviour towards me. What's done is done. I certainly wont forget it, but better use everything in all other manners than for judging, blaming, frustration, anger, and the like. It triggers all of it, for sure, but better work with what it triggers in me than the behaviour of his - that he is totally unaware of.
Practice forgiveness and compassion. But with occasional "hard questions", to "check in were in the process/life" he is, and some setting of limits based on this - for him, and for myself.
And I let the Universe decide/show "how long I should continue this".
I think it will go on for yet some time, considering the following card.  

5. Direction: NINE OF FIRE
"You've faced so many challenges and you've persevered"
"take a look at how far you've come already"
"Know that it does seem to get tougher right before you get to the next level, so don't give up now. Power through!"


Got this Idiot the other day, and decided to pull some card and get some guidance on how to handle to Idiot, or how to relate to it (him?). Decided to draw multiple deck, as to find out the headlines and/or subjects most important in this. Asked the dice how many decks to use and got 5. Result: 

1. Art of Love Tarot - "The Art of Being Unconditional Love": THE MOTHER
"This is the garden of your dreams and desires(!). Cherish them to fruition."
"Sometimes the caterpillar forgets its destiny is to become a butterfly."
"The feminine mothering principle is the gateway through which the vibration of love becomes physical life."
"You are ready to nurture, heal and open your heart. When you live your life protecting your heart, by trying to control conditions, you block your ability to receive."
"Combine your heart and mind so that intuitive wisdom can flow. You can create anything, not because you need it, but because it is your purpose to create."
"This card indicates an actual or symbolic marriage or birth."
I immediately felt that "being love" in facing the Idiot is one important lesson for me, so not that surprised this deck was first out. And then of course getting the most loving archetype in the card. Continue to nurture, despite "getting little in return". Radiate - not because I need anything back, but because it's my duty, a part of my purpose, to.
Marriage..? I lifelong dream I've had, yes. With the Idiot?! No. But maybe the one behind the mask? 

2. Osho Zen Tarot - "presence in the now": V. NO-THINGNESS (R)
Of course, "presence", "accepting what is" was next headline up.
"Being in "the gap" can be disorienting and even scary. Nothing to hold on to, no sense of direction, not even a hint of what choices and possibilities might lie ahead." Spot on with this guy.
"Something sacred is about to be born. Why ... becoming so worried, so anxious, so ambitious - why create such despair?" Yes, why?! Thankfully I'm doing this to a much lower degree nowadays!

3. Harmonious Tarot: FOUR OF SWORDS (R)
And, of course, the lesson of being able to create harmony for myself, no matter how annoyingly the Idiot behaves and speaks. And the way to do that is to "not react", but rather trough:
"Rest, relaxation, contemplation, recuperation" (from biddy tarot) Letting the emotions rise and fall. See them for the mere 'things' they are. Belonging to the remnants of my personality rather than my soul/being.
Everything is exactly as it is, and should be.

4. Healing Earth Tarot - "healing Earth, one human at the time (starting with myself)": THE TOWER
Yes, interaction with the/a Idiot is very healing if you choose to use it so. So much unhealed spots being triggered over and over, and shadows begging of coming into the light. It's "devastating", if you ask the ego - but necessary falling to the soul, and for the evolution of consciousness.
"Flash of insight" All The Time. So many Aha-Moments.
"The towering cliff may shatter at any moment, yet she runs bravely forward to meet the power of light." Again, and again, and again. 
"The Priestess represents that part of ourselves which must grasp the impact of a sudden flash of illumination in our lives, and move to meet it."
"Inability to change with this awakening will lead to our falling down with the crashing rocks of the tower and the confusion to follow. The cliff or tower is the structure we surmount in order to gain access to a higher insight"
"Limits here include the confines and conditioning of a personality within the structure of society: the ego which we come to believe is ourselves"
"The Priestess does not make this journey solely for herself. It's for the people of her tribe who have lost their way, and can no longer see clearly where the spiritual path lies."

5. Gay Tarot - "Face yourself" or "It's in you, not the other": THE MOON
All because of coming to know my true self, and choose who I want to be.
"Sex, sexuality" all eventually culminating in an explosive orgasm?!


1. Common Basis - P8, Prudence
"Easy mastery: Each task that you overcome is also a reflection of the work you have been doing on yourself. The clearer you work on your talents and limitations, the more you become the master or mistress in your own right. Your mastery lies in the reproduction of your personal talent. Ensure numerous results that bear your signature, your style, and in which you can recognize yourself."
Love "Love is sometimes a tender plant. Not everything works immediately, but must be practiced with patience."
Do "no harm."
Happiness "You know that everything is important, not only the final products, but also the circumstances."
"Your work has a character of growing, and you grow with it. This makes your work comfortable and provides rich results that are really worthwhile."

2. Unifying Force - The Tower
"Rather than linguistic confusion, it leads to a lifting of the limits on speech and understanding."
"two opposite poles"
"Two different ways to get really excited"
"Violence is destructive and leads to speechlessness and confusion. Love, on the other hand, removes not only the language barrier, it allows an understanding across all boundaries.
Risk more directness!
"You will protect and guard yourself better against violent and loveless impositions, the more you consciously and courageously that you yourself deal with strong and strongest energies."
Love "Risk openness and directness! Take it as an experiment, which you follow with trust, confidence, and the willingness to surprise and be surprised."

3. Me - XX, The Aeon
"a new time, a new era" Association: multisensory perceptive individual
"This card asks you to come to terms with remote or extreme experiences of life."
"Do not let it overwhelm you"
"When you learn to forgive yourself and others repeatedly, then old tensions dissolve and new opportunities open up. Stretch out your hand for a fresh start"
"If you can draw a line under the past, you will feel like a new person. It is always possible to wake up to a new life again."
Love "Strong energies are acting on you, and strong energies are at your disposal."

4. Him - XIV, Art
"an artist (of life)"
"a firework of creation, and lustful transformation"
"the unity of opposites" needed, as 
"the left hand does not know what the right hand does" and "a person with two faces who remain strangers to each other"
He's in need of and in (unconscious) search for "your own life plan, to appropriate tasks that bring you closer to your "true will" and artfully unite desire and reality."
Would work wonders if he: "accomplish new things with your actions and create yourself anew. It is important to allow your partner to participate, carefully without false compromises." and "create a great work from your life, a work of art from duties and obstacles, successes and experiments. The creative power takes you to your roots and connects you with the Absolute." and "The key to success: your inventiveness and your powers of transformation and creativity

5. My sources - V, The Hierophant
"You are responsible for your faith.
You have something to say, and to share with others.
You carry a unique treasure of experience and knowledge in you from which others can benefit. You cannot convert anyone or convince them to change. All you ultimately decide based on their own experience.
Nevertheless, be generous. With everything you do, you are orientation and reference point for others. Everyone is a teacher for each other.
"You can find your solution if you let others in on your secrets and if you let others introduce you into their relationships. Thus arises understanding - and a belief that is not based on dogma or blind faith, but in experience."
Love "Let others in on your plans and intentions, and remain open to what others have to say to you."
Success "The key to success: your own competence. You can be a guide and model for others.

6. His Sources - W9, Strength
Such capacity, but rather blocked?
"You go carefully through the day and night. There is only one way that brings the sun and moon together: that of mindfulness and of the conscious life." Yes, he has a careful, mindful prudent (#1) energy within, but at the moment not so conscious. Somewhat distorted. Misguided and misdirected. 
"Mindfulness and intuitive awareness prevent hasty conclusions and actions." He has amazing intuitive capabilities, which permeates his way of relating to me - unbeknownst to him - but which makes him such a great "spiritual teacher". On the surface there are a lot of hasty conclusions and actions, but not below it, in some peculiar way. A personality in little alignment with soul is the feeling I get.   
Key to happiness "Break down unfounded fears and fulfill important requests!" My fire wood!! :) (:
"Trust your intuition."

7. Focal Point/common Goal - P6, Success
"The value of the self is the greatest when as many as possible benefit from it. In this sense, you have only what you give away."
Love "For you, balance is very important. You create an atmosphere of closeness and sharing, in which the differences of big and small, strong and weak are reduced. A situation in which you can also be weak, without provoking strengths (and the same, vice versa), a situation eventually, in which without scruple or genuflection you can accepts and receive."
Happiness "The joy of giving: not this charitable giving of things which you even do not need; not this transfigured self-abandonment in the supposed service to a cause or idea; no, your own ability, your idea of how it would be nice and good to give to the best"
Success "If with your talents you fulfill needs and with your talents awaken and are promoted, a gain results every time. This "added value," this productivity is key for your current issues. Be careful not to manage that shortage, but to make a profit."


Deck: The Fountain Tarot

1. Current Mechanisms in Relationship - The Fool - Boundless innocence
"Suspended between spiritual and earthly existence"
"newly born soul embarking on a bright adventure"
"needs counsel of others and would be wise to listen when it is offered"
"Though some find his quest absurd (!) he is not swayed. With an open heart, he is led by the inner voice of his true Self."
"A willingness to step outside the norm for the sake of self-discovery and fulfillment"

2. Me - Seven of Swords - A Questionable Risk (!)
"the meaning of the card relies on the circumstances"
"dishonesty...or bravery"
"In any case, a risk is involved and he must deal with the unexpected"
"be conscious of your values and which ones you employ"
"There are times when you may have to grab the blades to succeed, but knowing your objectives and your motives will minimize the damage" 

3. Him - Nine of Cups - Shared Happiness
"A man sits with nine cups, inviting in anyone who wishes to share his joy and contentment"
"Often known as the wish card"
"A powerful card of giving and receiving"

4. What I should Focus on - Six of Swords - A New Beginning
"A woman, with the assistance of a ferryman, bravely sets out for a new shore, escaping the dark and murky circumstances of her past. Her willingness to ask for help frees her from drama"
"opportunity for healing"
"Transitions can be disorienting, but trust that the worst of the obstacles have passed"
"It will all begin to make sense very soon"

5. Direction it's Heading - The Chariot - Harnessing Forces
"Surrounded by contradiction - left and right, black and white, day and night - the conquering hero of The Chariot brings focus, unshakable determination and intense will to harness the host of opposing forces. Propelled by his concentration and protected by his confidence, he will conquer all difficulty (intellectual, emotional, spiritual, and physical)"
"navigation the ruts of complexity and restoring balance"

Regarding Objectives (in card#2) - What should I focus on as "goal/objective?
Bosch (Skewed Perspectives) - 10 of Coins, the man with a coin up his ass.


Deck: Art of Love Tarot

1. Where's the relationship status at? 14. Temperance - Harmony
Not the card I would have chosen so to speak...
But in some sense I guess I am navigating the most harmonious way possible..? Accepting things being as they are. Not in my head - my head is furious - but in my soul:ish?
"Everything you feel comes from within you." The disharmony I feel isn't because of outside happenings, or other's behaviours.
"This serene being, mixes all he has experienced in his cupped hands, and then lets it go by moving it through the violet flame of transformation."
"The next step is the acceptance of your awareness. You will then be inspired to action. Being out of balance reminds us of how good it feels to be in harmony."
"The Acceptance brings reassurance. Letting go will bring stability." NOW the card makes sense!
"You are ready to accept the past and admit the present so you have a balanced foundation for the future."
"Acknowledge where you have compromised and learn to speak your truth. Let go of blame and choose to love yourself exactly as you are right now. Your perception and judgement of a situation has created an emotional obstacle. Invoke the violet flame..."
"Let blame and judgement move through the flame and transform into clarity and acceptance. Be patient and allow for deeper healing."

2.  Me in this - Four of Stars, Advancement
"Walk the path of your joyous heart, be loyal to your inner truth and soon you will be celebrating."
"This creative goddess has wise, blue eyes that see many paths of creation. The red stars express excessive mental energy and overthinking. She is already on her path but right now she can't see it..."
"Too much analysis and deliberation makes her feel out of touch with her star heart and inner eye."
"Confidence in her inner wisdom, will allow the scrutiny of her plans, ambitions and motivations to fall away. The path of least resistance will then present itself."
"The Four of Stars opens a new chapter. A business, creative venture, relationship or friendship is about to shift and transform into a fresh way of being. Give yourself a pat on the back, the hard work is done."
"Open to receive, for you are worthy of all that you want to create and experience."

3. Him in this - Six of Hearts, The Past
"Talking or thinking about the past, introduces it into the present where it continues to create your future."
"...historical stories that have been holding her back."
"The Six of Hearts wants to write a new narrative. It is time to let go of the stories you have been telling yourself. Every time you talk or think about your past, you bring it into your present and limit your future. A practiced belief has become entangled with your everyday way of being, causing you to react in certain ways that feel familiar."
"...this card suggests something is no longer working and it is time to leave it in the past where it belongs."
As long as he wants to remain stuck in the past, he is in the past to me. It's his decision.

4. What I should focus on - Five of Stars, Diversity (R)
"Diversity elucidates your dreams. Knowing what you don't want is the first step in discovering your truest desires." Oh man, am I learning what I don't want now..! With the important thing being - remain balanced, don't judge the the one not being or acting like you want. Everyone is different. Let the conflict remain in me, and resolve it there.
"The water is a wellspring of ideas, giving birth to multi-faceted life experiences depicted by the stars and swirls. Choice causes new creations to be born, which in turn brings clarity before ever more choice."
"...mirrors outer or inner conflict. It feels like an invisible barrier is blocking your path. Irritations and annoyances or obstacles seem to be mounting and threatening to overwhelm you. Take a breath. You have not done anything wrong, so there is no need to take a challenge personally."
"Step back to regain a balanced perspective devoid of reactions and solutions will soon drop into your mind. This card encourages you to be steadfast in your self-belief. There is no need to defend, justify or push against anything. This is a time to realign with your centre."

5. Current direction/where it is heading - 13. The Release, Metamorphosis
"There is no need to fear the unknown. Liberation and complete freedom await your surrender to eternal love."
"Without change, everything would come to a standstill"
"The Release is a portent of radical change. Something has left or is leaving your life"
"Accept and embrace an inevitable conclusion that provides the space for something new."
"Love, trust and courage are required"
"Fill the space between the old and the new with love"
"One day very soon, you will wake up knowing this was the beginning of a new you."


Started of with a vague "what should I know about him now?", and got the Rabbit Tarot - FEAR.
He's afraid.
Pulled Knight of Cups. He certainly seems afraid to "be/act like prince charming".

1. How is he feeling now? Two of Swords (R)
"indecision, stalemate" This has been for a while now. Not the first time I get this. He's really feeling stuck, out in the cold, but really don't know which way to go. Aimlessly wandering, unappreciative of what he got.

2. Why is he afraid of/to change? Three of Wands (R)
"bold ideas and clear understanding of of his situation"
He is afraid of truly looking at his situation, and also remains in the "idea phase", never taking appropriate action 

3. Why is he afraid of looking at his life situation? The Chariot
"fear of not being in control" Of course - if he truly looked, he would have to realise that he is out of control over his life. Not nice for a Pluto fellow.

4. Why is he afraid of co-operation? Knight of Carrots (swords)
"A dashing active individual, skilled and strong" It's more important for him to "keep up the appearance" - that façade of being successful, strong, in control - than to co-operate. 

5. Why is he afraid of losing control? Death
Accepting he has no control of his situation would mean the end of his life to his ego. This façade and this behaviour is all he knows - what and who would he be without it?

Change of subject - considering I pulled the Knight of Cups 

6. Why is he afraid of love? Queen of Cups (R)
Previous women have been "intimidating, unfair, cold, unpredictable, cruel"
It's rather obvious, and painful, that he "punishes me for what other women have done". And he's really "searching for me to be the same"...
Out of fear, of course.

7. His soul's needs, partner wise? Page of Daisies (Pentacles) (R)
"A clever person, good at small talks and repetitive actions" Yes, it requires someone smart, with tons and tons of patience, doing and showing the same thing (love) over and over, for him to ever trust a woman again. And someone who have the patience to listen to him talk about himself and the same "shallow stuff" again and again.
"Someone in need of more learning and practice, who prefers study to play." Someone who find see the whole process as a learning opportunity, and who has the will and take time to study the situation, and him. 

8. What kind of relationship is he in need of now? Queen of Carrots (swords)
Not what he wants - what he needs.
"A powerful woman, smart, quick witted. Capable, often taking action. Fiercely loyal. Prone to outbursts but passionate about the objects of her affection. Many complex skills which requires learning and concentration (giving him much needed alone time)" Ok, so his soul actually needs...ME. I'm both the PP and SQ. But will his ego ever accept that?

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