Life Partner


Rather "swapped" - swords/air/thoughts on the feeling side, and reflection/intuition on the thinking side!

1. What does he feel about me now? Ace of Swords
I would like to think it is "not afraid to take on those who try to cut you out of the picture" but it might as well be that he feels that I'm cutting him were it hurts, being manipulatively sweet, bringing him lots of gifts. Maybe both. His soul liking that I'm "hanging on, despite his ego's habit of cutting people (women) off", but his ego feeling hurt due to my "honesty". 

2. What does he think of me now? The Moon
I would like to think that he finds me reflective and intuitive, but I'm afraid that he might think I'm rather instinctive and live in some sort of dream world, not knowing or seeing the truth (which is what I think of him!!). That I'm fooling myself with all my mumbo jumbo, and "calling him things (not trustworthy for example)"
Again, maybe both. The soul knows the first, his head thinks the second?

Something I should know about him right now:

Deck: Magical Dogs Tarot - "some kind of magical loyalty"
I guess. I kind of loyalty I've never experienced before.
Card: Two of Cups (R)
"Upon a rocky bank, two dogs nestle close together beside a tranquil river flowing slowly to the sea."
"Though unalike in breed and size, they are bound together with equal hearts. Whatever reasons that may have drawn them separately to this place at this time, they now share this spot side by side."
Yes, why are we - so apparently unlike each other - brought together at this place at this time?
"This is a relationship that can grow with time and become very important in your life." It already is. I've learned A LOT about myself, life, and other's worlds.
Reversed "A relationship that has gone off course is something that everyone has struggled with at one time or another. Work on communication and honesty, and examine your compatibility." The communication is certainly a challenge, and a weak spot in our compatibility. I guess I'm working on the honesty thing - trying to define some sort of boundaries and bring up what I consider to be cornerstones in a relationship. But is this right? Is it honesty and something I should do, or am I trying to change him, when I should not? As he haven't asked.  Face value, we really aren't that compatible - but why are we brought together? Is it only for my learning, growth and development, or his too?


So, I wanted to clear my head from this relationship, and find something to focus on for myself, but got the Bride's Tarot. Making it a little hard to focus on myself...

1. What the source of my worry/anxiety? The Magician
"Initiative, willpower, mastermind, love alchemy, transforming the world, bringing energy to a romance"
I'm afraid of my powers, and I dislike the feeling that I'm "experimenting with lives". I feel uncomfortable with how I effect a relationship. How I cannot, sooner or later, not anger or irritate a persons ego - as I "see and know so much".
I dislike being so versatile, aware and competent - how will I ever find someone who will put up with me, and my seemingly erratic behaviour and deep-seeing? 

2. Most important lesson to me now, in this very situation? Ace of Knives (R)
"Clarity and direction as to were the relationship is going or wants to go."
I guess I really want to "know where this is going". Cut to the core. But maybe that's off limit?
It most certainly seems impossible - and probably I have to accept that? That I'm not supposed to know? Knowing that he is stuck at a crossroad, I guess it really is impossible to know. And there is no way I can hurry his decision on which road to take. I can only - as I'm reminded of rather often - remain "fiercely loyal". 
Accept the Now.

3. How can I release my worry? Ace of Wands (R)
I probably can't just release it...! I sense the delay in the reversal. I most probably have to "be with it" first.
"Raw potential, creative energy"
Biddy: "lack of direction, distractions, delays"
"you can sense an idea emerging from within but are uncertain what form it will take or how you will manifest it in the world." I somehow must come to feel the purpose of the worry before it will go away. I can't release it, but merely transform the energy - when I know/feel how and what to transform it into. Were to redirect the energy.
"frustrating delays are impeding the progress of your projects and ideas. You are likely to feel very impatient, especially if you are action-oriented" I feel worry until I know how things will turn out. My head hates not knowing, and delayed results - which earlier in my life made me push for ANY result/answer.

4. Best action to connect with inner love? Nine of Knives (R)
So, if I can't release my worry, what can I do to reconnect with my inner love/trust in the universe/calm, "while waiting for the worry to fade away".
Many reverses now...
It certainly looks as if there is some work - fine crafts - to do. I see embroidery on the card.
I sense that I'm "trying to force things forward" when all these reversed cards pour out. I sense "PATIENCE!"
"Strong longing for someone, worry about the coming day (his birthday..!)"

5. My soul's current longing? The Emperor
I might as well round it off with a blunt clear question (picking up the longing word from previous card), to sort things out. Know "what it's all about". What's the woman thinking about doing all that embroidery?
So ok, my soul really has focus on this cocky man...
"Authority, charm, determination, the head of the family, excellent lover, action and practicality" or, the soul is dreaming of him, when having "his shit together"? Or someone having his shit together? Anyhow, I have to get through the present situation first.
Is he even able to change? Is he capable of becoming aware of his shit and shitty behaviour? Should he?
How the hell should I move on from here? I really can't seem to "get rid of him" - him keeping ties alive, and adding new ones when old ones are cut.


Down left to right, then up

1. Where is this relation at? - Control (The Chariot)
"Will, Self discipline"
"The biker is experiencing a moment of self discipline. He controls the bike with his will, not with his hands."
"Relax and let your inner will to guide you."
And keeping/staying on the right (my) side of the line.

2. Something I should know about what's going on with him now? - One of Air (Ace of Swords)
I did not feel like/feel the right to ask how he's feeling, after my "bomb" yesterday.
I see some sense of feeling freedom/relief, I take comfort in the direction of the grass - the "leaning in". Cold snow (footing), but warm bright sunlight (air/surrounding).
I like how the yellow color cooperates in the first two cards.
"Clarity, Truth, Intellect"
"...may represent a new idea, a new truth"
"or a clarification of an existing though or idea"

3. What should/can I do to stay "on top of the situation", or "the most loving thing I can do - for me, him and all involved"? - Four of Fire (Four of Wands) R
"...a time of celebration is at hand. Recognize the abundance that surrounds you in whatever form it may take. Enjoy."
Reversed: "You do not feel compelled to proclaim this achievement to others, instead choosing to create your own special reward for the hard work you put in. You may also be in the midst of your journey and yet to reach the finish line, hence preferring to honour this mini-milestone privately. When you finally do arrive at the finish line, it'll be worth celebrating with friends and family." (biddy)

My current living place. Why did I end up here? Why am I living here? 

Received deck: Biddy's Everyday Tarot.
Left to right.

1. Something I should know about me living here? - Three of Swords (R)
"You are sensitive to other's words and and need to develop a thick skin. Let go of the hurt - it is holding you back. Look at what has triggered your feelings and work on those core issues."

2. Why did this place feel so right when I visited the first time? - Two of Swords (R)
"...unable to decide which direction to take. Release your grip on having to find the "right" solution."
I had released my obsession to find the "perfect" place - and this place also looked nothing like the perfect place I had "pictured in my head". I also let go of my indecision, and worry about "right direction", and just acted, intuitively or/and inspiration.

3. What's my soul connection to this place? - Six of Swords
"...a rite of passage, or a mental shift of some kind."
"...leaving behind what was familiar and comfortable to move toward the unknown"

4. How long will I live here, on 115? - Eight of Wands
"Everything is moving quickly now. Go with the flow. Travel may be in the cards"


New Moon. Conjunct Neptune and Venus.

Chosen deck: True Intuitive Heart Tarot

1. Where is the relationship now? - Princess of Discs (R)
"Low vibe: scattered energy, lack of drive, depression, flightiness, laziness"
"A feeling of discontent or boredom"
"Check in on how motivated you are. Stay on point, but not to the point of rigity. In time, the investment in yourself will pay off big."

2. Who am I in this, now? - The Emperor (R)
"Low vibe: immaturity, passivity, fear, cruelty, control issues, cowardice, unmotivated"

3. Who is he in this, now? - Eight of Swords (R)
"Low vibe: Indecision, feeling stuck, no options, anxiety, insecurity, passivity"
"The bonds tying you to a difficult person, place, or thing are self-imposed. Refusing to take responsibility for your part in where you've ended up is keeping you stuck. Stop blaming others for your station in life and focus on what is in your power to change. Some prisons are of our own making; acknowledge this truth, and free yourself."

4. Something I really should know right now? - The Hanged Man
"Surrender, acceptance, release, internal work, acquiescence, sacrifice, paradigm shifts"


After he made the briefest contact this morning (sending a picture of a dog trashed TV remote control...) I felt like checking in again.

Random deck: Heart Tarot

Up left to right, second row left to right, bottom.

1. How is he felling now? Knight of Swords
Back in more active thinking and impulsive action?
"A dynamic man who defends the weak and desires an adventurous companion." Realigned with his old self again? "Feeling sorry for others" and dreaming about fun stuff in the future?
"He declares his feelings to the person he loves audaciously and loyally." Not something I perceive. Rather:
"Unrequited loves" ...

2. What is he thinking/feeling about me now? The Fool
"A meeting or love at first sight under unexpected circumstances. A person in love is willing to anything to capture the attention of her beloved." We met unexpectedly, and maybe he knows/thinks/trusts that I'm doing and giving everything I can. "Come bearing intuitive/heartfelt gifts" every now and then showing it.

3. What does he want from me now? Knight of Wands
Spirited action?
"Curiosity. Adventure. An adventurous youth seeking unconventional romantic and sexual experiences." Hoping that I will want him with all his baggage and erratic and unconventional moves? Hoping that I will want to "explore the world" with him?
"Attraction for persons with contrasting persuasions." That I will accept him for all that he is and do?

4. Best action I can take? Page of Wands
Messenger of Spirit?
"Reliability. Loyalty. A sincere and loyal friend, suitor or fiance. A confidant faithful to her promises, who will bring a breath of fresh air to any situation."

5. What can/should I expect/accept from him? The Chariot
I see: he's still pulled in 2 directions. Devil and angel. Ego and soul/spirit.
"Success. Progress. Favorable meetings and obstacles overcome. Improvements in relationship."


Journalised 2021-03-13. 

Random deck: Dream Enchantress Tarot - "serving as a mysterious bridge between the conscious and subconscious"

From up left to down right.

1. Driving force behind his need to expose his feelings about feeling bad, not getting out of bed, wanting to start his life over, and fearing his heart health? Four of Swords
I see: me to the left, over the lion, him to the right, over the (stubborn) goat, nervously twisting hes hair between his fingers. I see how he feels like he's in a safe place with me. No or high up windows, and no one can see - he trusts me. He also "look into the camera", as if knowing "I'm watching", as if feeling that I really SEE. I'm leaning forward towards him, as if saying "what's on your heart, dear?"

2. How did he feel after this exposure? Four of Cups (R)
"There is no one more desirable or more enviable than one who drinks in the world, relishing the beauty and the nightmares...the whole of life" I can imagine that his soul felt relieved, allowing himself to feel (and share) both beauty (music) and horror (feeling bad). But also...
"REVERSED: Retreat, withdrawal, checking in for alignment." Hating himself for even feeling all this, and "being in his situation" - a situation he (more or less knowingly) has put himself in, and not being able to extract himself from. Certainly needing to withdraw. Lick his wounds - his exposed vulnerability. Needing to realign - "sadly" probably with his personality rather than his soul...
" invitations and opportunities are flowing to you, but for now, you're saying "no" and turning them away."
One would hope...
"While the man in the Four of Cups doesn't accept the cups offered to him, he doesn't wholly reject them either." But I'm afraid...
"...the Four of Cups reversed suggests that you feel uninspired, disillusioned, or disappointed with the world around you. Everything seems hard, and instead of dealing with it head on, you're choosing to retreat. You may avoid the challenges of the external world hoping that if you step out, the problems will go away. But let's be real: they will need your attention eventually."
Anyhow - he DID (as usual) retreat. 7 days (counting, 20210313)
Why and what's happening?
Time will show.

3. How did he feel while telling it? (Didn't know why I asked these two so similar, and only past them quickly without much reflection, especially as reversed - maybe "wrong/inappropriate" questions I thought) - Moon (R)
I think, probably "soul-wise; reflective, strong, on-point, in safe company" but "uncertain, momentarily influenced (drinking alcohol), weak, lost, not himself" at the same time. An "emotional imbalance" permeates both this card and the previous touching the same issue. Of course it's necessary to withdraw after this "losing touch with yourself", shown more then clearly in:

4. How is he feeling now? Seven of Swords
I see: he's back in his cave. But I like the warm bright light coming from it. When he's inside his cave he feels safe - he feels/thinks his demons are gone, but they have merely run off, probably getting food and growing stronger... Dramatic scenery. His ego feels as if I'm the enemy - 4 swords pointing at me, calmly, openly (naked) keeping watch over him. Patiently waiting for him to come out. The cave is located in a surrounding with rough terrain - not easy to get to him. And I wont. I will wait. 
I like that at least 3 swords are thrown into the moat. 
"Prepare, watch, wait."

5. What does he (think he) want(s) from me right now? The Emperor (R)
I guess: me NOT trying to control him. He SO feel the need to be alone, and feel free...which unfortunately makes him feel lonely...

6. What is he most afraid might happen? Five of Pentacles
Exactly what's happening: feeling outcast - lonely.

 7. What is it that he "actually needs" from me? Ace of Swords (R)
New thoughts/thinking - me reversing his thinking?!
"Resting in the shade, comfortable and trusting, a shared dream inspires and promises great things."


Partner's greatest blockage.
Deck: Ellis decK - "I wish I wanted"
Card: The Lovers (Lovely..!!)
"The couple vowed that day will provide for night, and night will provide for day because each one's totality included a part of the other."
"Can represent a caring and trusting relationship. It may also represent the gift of finding peace and harmony between two opposing sides of yourself. Instead of one aspect dominating the other, we discover a way to love our total self."


What about this sex thing then...?
Two (online) spreads gave me the High Priestess.


A relationship of constant change and transformation (Death, and rebirth) - how a relationship with a kind soul with a versatile personality, haunted by Pluto, looks like..!
I'll just keep bringing hope and guidance then.



What the hell is your deal?!

1. Who are you?!
Ace of Cups
"The universe want to pour love and happiness over you. All you need is be ready to receive it." I guess the universe partly tries through me?!
"You can find happiness by opening your heart."

2. What do you really want (would be nice to know, before "putting more energy in")?
Three of Wands
I'm sensing: to get out of here, dreaming of "a better place", why he constantly runs and hide. Afraid to take sail - face his emotions (waters)
"Allies are approaching who will help you attain success" might I be one of them, who can help him face some them?

3. Why do you hide your true self?
Five of Pentacles
I'm sensing: feeling alone (which he says a lot), and outcasted (which he seems to think too)
See this card in preceding spread..!
"Warm shelter and generous help are very close, but you need to open your eyes an see them." He has great problems appreciating what and those he have close
"Let others help you. Don't stay out in the cold. Let go of self-pity!"

4. The mask you hide behind.
Three of Swords
"Making trouble for the fun of it(!)" No shit! And also, he seems to have been very, very hurt - heartbroken, and it seems to block him immensely. Something he has mentioned - "It hurts so much, deep, deep inside"

5. How this affects our relationship?
Knight of Cups (R) - reversed: no prince charming at the moment..! Quite the reversed most of the time.
"A person in whos company you (don't) feel joy. (Not) a devoted lover. (Not helping you) love yourself too."

6. Advice for me, considering the situation and the above?
Page of Pentacles
"learning how to manage resources"
"a willing student in the art of prosperity, offering insights"
"offer a new approach to wealth"

7 (6b) How should I go abut doing this..?
Six of Pentacles
"If you have resources to give, give it. If you are in need, ask for what you want. There is more than enough of we share."

8. What to expect next?
Nine of Swords
"Separate nightmare from reality"
"You can find happiness by facing your fears"

9 (3b) Hint about a reason/cause for feeling the need to hide your true self?
The World (R)

No completion? Not being able to reach true integration, mirrored in not being able to find and hold on to/keep a partner to settle down with? (Why? P9 - "Your own work has brought you the good times in life. Enjoy peaceful solitary time at home to relax and appreciate good fortune" - He has chosen to prioritize 'good times' (hunting etc), and his situation is from his own work/doing, not knowing this he can't appreciate it, because deep inside he wants something different - a partnership?)
"REVERSED: Seeking personal closure, short-cuts, delays" (biddy) Because of lack of closure (completion/connection) he unconsciously try to take short-cuts to 'quickly come to closure' or delays in hopelessness? And people getting tired of it shuts him out? He ends up feeling outcast and lonely. Instead of closure everything just keeps spinning round and round.

10. Something more that I should know or really consider/show respect for?
Seven of Swords
"Have a good strategy before you take action. A wise battle plan will save you and your resources from loss. Keep your wits about you when proceeding."
"You can find happiness though careful planning."

4. Five of Pentacles
" feel as if you have been left in the cold. You may wonder, "Why is no-one coming to help me!?" It may appear as if no one cares anymore. However, since the windows in the church are lit up, help is nearby; but you are too focused on your problems to notice. You may be waiting for someone to come and help you when really, you need to be proactive and ask for help. You need to swallow your pride or let go of your fear of rejection and reach out.
At times, the Five of Pentacles highlights a 'lack mindset'. You are sabotaging your ability to create abundance because you only focus on what you lack. All you can see is what is going wrong. To shift this energy, look for evidence of what you do have, even if it's very small or seemingly insignificant, and express your gratitude for those blessings in your life. Over time, the positive aspects will continue to grow and soon, 'lack' and 'not having' will be a thing of the past."

5. The Emperor (R)
"REVERSED: Domination, excessive control, lack of discipline, inflexibility"

6. Death (R)
"REVERSED: Resistance to change, personal transformation, inner purging"


Random deck: Law of Attraction Tarot (!)

1. Where your relationship is at the moment (bottom) - The Lovers (!) The Law of Attraction
"In this moment the Law of Attraction is working, attracting emotions, persons and situations. Turn it in your favour by thinking only positive thoughts" This is a little hard to believe/feel..! Maybe because of...

2. How you see/feel your partner (left) - The Devil (!) Contrast
"REVERSED: Releasing limiting beliefs, exploring dark thoughts, detachment"
"The reversed Devil calls on you to confront your inner fears and anxieties to free yourself from the chains that bind you to your limiting beliefs and unhealthy attachments." (biddy) My ego see and feel him as the villain - because of his extremely strange, complex and outright "disrespectful behaviour". But - a behaviour (no matter how awful) that helps me confront my deepest fears. So, no matter how my ego twist and turn it - it's good for me...!
(Which are the fears most active now? Rosa Orm (Finish sisu - endurance in difficult conditions) - Strength. "Inner strength, courage, endurance, patience, unconditional love, defending good values." Yes, I'm really in doubt. Doubting my strength. Disliking to "show unconditional love" day in and day out, with little or no response - and mostly just receive "continued disrespect and neglect", or...disheartening silence...
But I really try to maintain...

3. How your partner see/feel you (right) Justice- Discipline (!)
("Fuel your dream every day by visualizing it, praying that it will come true, and acting s if it is already within reach")
"The reversed Justice card can suggest that internally, you know you've done something that isn't morally right.
" have a choice: you can hide it and hope no-one finds out, or you can own up to your mistakes and take focused action to resolve the situation."
"Similarly, Justice reversed suggests that you are not willing to take full accountability for your actions and may try to 'dodge the bullet' and blame others for your mistakes. You are being dishonest with yourself and others - and your unwillingness to look beyond your own fears and ego blinds you to the broader lesson." (biddy)
(In what direction is this moving (or something else I should know about it)? Random deck: Motherpeace Round Tarot (staying strong in your womanhood/femininity). Card: The Hierophant. "A somewhat depressing card...He demonstrates how custom and tradition can control an individual's life energy." Anything I can "do to help"? Card: Nine of Pentacles. "Solitary creative work; accomplished healer.")

4. Direction of the relationship (top) - King of Pentacles - The Banker
He owes me quite a lot of money..!
"a mature man, both wealthy and influential, will be willing to bestow his favours upon you and help you from an economic viewpoint. Cultivate his friendship."

Very interesting spread!


How does he see/feel about me right now?

Page of Shields - Position 1
SUNSHINE. The warm sun and the seeds of sunflowers bring energy and growth - it's a good time to do a spring cleaning of the body - a healthy diet and contact with nature is a quick way. If you postpone something that you want, just accept that right now you are tied down by the familiar settings, more so, perhaps, than you would care to admit. There may be a deeper meaning in the fact that it takes time - but life is working for you - and suddenly the sunlight bursts forth. Be present in the body. The Earth needs what you have to give.


Got the Urban Tarot and looked up a suiting spread, which I modified until my gut feeling was satisfied.

1. My place in the relationship.
2. Partner's place
3. Foundations of the relationship
4. Past
5. Present
6. Current direction/heading towards

1. Ace of Cups

This is the card of pure, elemental Water. It is the root of everything that Water reflects and embodies: the eternal wellspring, the calm pool, the cool rain. Water is the element of of emotion, of dreams, and of relationships.
The story that begins in the Ace of Cups is the story of a romance. Imagine this card as that chance encounter, an unexpected meeting that seems full of promise. This card is not yet love at first sight, rather, it is that first sigh which holds the infinite potential of love.

2. Knight of Swords - The Game Master

Be very cautious in challenging the Knight of Swords...
While some people retreat from conflict and argument, the Knight relishes it. Every debate, every logical conundrum is an opportunity for him to shine.
Discovering subtle errors and inconsistencies never fail to bring a smile to his face, and he usually is the first to point out when someone has slipped up somewhere.
...a great person to have on your team, and a dangerous opponent to face across the table.
...lacks the empathy of Water, and the grounded stability of Earth. Don't expect him to show you mercy in the midst of battle; there is no room for messy feelings in his perfect game plan. Be also warned that his leaps of logic may need to be reined in now and again, as the Knight would often prefer see a problem solved elegantly, rather than practically.

3. Eight of Discs - Prudence

...after failure, you get up, you recover, you learn. What have we learned? We have learned caution, certainly. We have learned to take our time and check our work thoroughly. 

We have learned to have patience enough to give our work the time and space it needs to come out right. We are wiser now that we have fallen and picked ourselves up again. We have learned prudence.

4. Eight of Wands - Swiftness

There comes a point in any enterprise when the choices laid out before us can seem overwhelming, and we can become paralyzed by conflicting voices from all sides. The Eight of Wands reminds us that we must keep swimming to stay afloat...

5. The Hanged Man

Sometimes seeing things clearly requires finding a whole new perspective.
Although it seems tied up in sacrifice and death, the Hanged Man is not as grim a card as is may seem. The card tells us that moving forward sometimes means giving up, learning sometimes requires unlearning, and living a better life sometimes means accepting the death of who you think you are. If all roads seem to lead the wrong way, the Hanged Man suggests you try turning the map upside down.

6. Three of Wands - Virtue

Here, the will to dominate and succeed has been paired with a sense of responsibility and a more complete understanding of what ends power can be put towards. The reckless energy of Dominion (W2) is tempered by a better understanding of how our actions affect others and the world at large.
Our movement has gained followers, and they stand united proudly in defense of their ideals. We continue to strive for change, knowing that we are stronger when we work together and in harmony with our community.

2020-11-13 (Friday 13th)

1. General advice regarding my personal life
2. Love relationship advice

1. 2 Cups, 2nd position

"Your life is on fire. You ardently want to make your dream come true - maybe a love relationship or a partnership, perhaps other kinds of dreams. Do whatever it takes! Your chance for success is good."

2. 2 Shields, 3rd position

"Your family life and your social life demand something of you. You are tired of just letting life go on in the usual way. If you continue to do this it will become a strain on you and you will begin to act in a manipulating and controlling manner. If you seek inspiration to change this, it will come - from the inside or from the outside. Change is necessary and you will succeed."


Probable outcome, considering current energy and action trends?

Knight of Cups "Curiosity, adventure. An adventurous youth seeking unconventional romantic and sexual experiences. Attractions for persons with contrasting persuasions. Detachment from the family of origins to understand life."

Enthusiasm, discovery, happy naivety, trustworthy, great intentions

2. TEMPERANCE - reversed
Imbalance, volatility, instability, physical stress, restlessness

Romance, charm, Change and new excitements

Optimism, forgiveness, releasing pain, acceptance

5. TEN OF WANDS - reversed
Avoiding responsibility, treachery, jealousy. Lies and deceit used to upset others.


20200829 Relationship advice

Deck: Law of Attraction
Theme: what you radiate you receive - how to attract what you (preferably the soul) wants

Four of Swords - Solitude
"adversity or failure that causes one to withdraw into himself. Failure to make your dream come true."
So yes - I (my ego) feel(s) how that card looks. Left behind, in a bubble. Thinking I'm unable to fulfil my soul's wishes, and that I am heading in the wrong direction.

2. DO
The Stars - Optimism 
"attempt to make your dream come true even if the probability of success is low. Consider misfortune as being temporary, and refuse to give up when faced with obstacles."

3. DON'T!
Five of Cups - Happiness (certainly not the typical keyword for C5...! Which goes something like "Regret, failure, disappointment, pessimism")
"dreams of love become reality; reconciliation" I should not focus on or hope for reconciliation for the time being? Not strive for immediate happiness?
"A question of love is resolved positively"
"REVERSED: Personal setbacks, self-forgiveness, moving on." Don't drown in the feeling of personal set-back, don't just move on yet..?
I certainly wanted to just move on, and get back focusing solely on my own life, this morning, again. But then immediately saw 2 doves come flying, settling down coddling on a branch in the three right outside my window, and then got the "Heart Tarot" and a card with a girl staring a (stubborn) goat in the eye.

I do feel 'sex' being a challenge for me. What do I like, what do I want, what do I need?
I struggle with my 'baggage' ("caused by my two uteruses"), and my lack of experience of "a nice and comfy sex life".
Advice please.

Deck: Lord of the Rings Tarot.

1. My Situation
Ten of Coins 
"In his mountain, Smaug watches over his great treasures."
There's potential in the situation I'm in? Hidden riches, high defences hindering?

2. Do!
The Moon
"The power of the enemy seems stronger than it really is."
"Things are not as they seem at first glance. There are deeper reasons for what happens. Strange connections between people - beyond their own understanding." True that.

3. Don't!
"Gandalf reveals to Frodo the nature of the forces around him."
For quite a while I've had the sensation "not to share my baggage with men I'm entering/in relationship with". And in general I have a hard time talking about sex - because of me not knowing "what I like" and such. I just don't feel I have anything to 'reveal' that wise. It's just so much more complex than "moves". It's all about feeling a loving presence, true closeness, sharing and intimacy. 
"Reversed: In the grip of obsessive forces."
"Major transformation, possible emigration"
"Sometimes, the reversed Judgement indicates your inner critic is coming through, loud and clear. You may doubt yourself or tell yourself negative messages. This is impeding you being able to fulfil your highest potential and be your best self. To overcome your inner critic, see it as a separate part of yourself (give it a name), hear it out and acknowledge its fear, and offer assurances that everything will be just fine. With focused discipline, you can break the cycle of self-criticism and replace it with more positive messages of what is possible." (biddy)





Inner Child Cards

1. Card symbolically representing your potential soulmate: Seeker of Swords - The Scarecrow (!) ...not fully human, ...striving to develop the power to think for himself.
...lacking in direction and says, "I can't even scare a crow." ...the two swords represent the lack of purpose, mental conflict, and dualistic thought that will eventually be harmonised.
...The Scarecrow has an innocence and naivete about him. His carefree and spontaneous nature reminds us of The Fool or court jester until he realises his task: to outwit the Wicked Witch and help Dorothy on her mission. At that point, he is ready to utilise his mind in service to the greater whole. He grows away from selfishness and toward dedication to his companions. 

2. How can I attract this person into my life: Ten of Wands - "do nothing, but leave the gate to your magical garden open, and he'll find it" is my immediate thought. Which might not be the easiest thing, considering the "general" meaning of W10.

3. A way that I can be more open to receive this person: Child of Crystals - Huck Finn, let your adventurous spirit roam free. Image-wise I see patience - as in 'You can't stress the fish to bite'. And I also think mirroring/reflection. 

4. Something unexpected about this person: Peter Pan (VII Chariot)

"A free-spirited and mischievous young boy who can fly and never grows up, Peter Pan spends his never-ending childhood having adventures on the mythical island of Neverland as the leader of the Lost Boys, interacting with fairies, pirates, mermaids, Native Americans, and occasionally ordinary children from the world outside Neverland." (wiki)
"He is the embodiment of the desire to never grow old and take on adult responsibilities. He transcends the inevitability of time by living in a dream world in which he is the leader of his own kingdom" (link)

5. How will I meet this person: Ten of Crystals - Christmas Day. Celebrations and festivals of all traditions bring people together.  

6. What will I think of them upon meeting them: The Earth Child (The World) Powerful and divine influences are gestating within your Aura. ...remember how protected and nurtured you are by invisible helpers, guides, and teachers. Most of all, let a sense of childlike wonder fill your life. See with new eyes. Touch the world as if for the first time. Summon courage for the rites of initiation that lie ahead.

7. How will I know this is my soulmate: Seven of Swords

8. How can I better understand the LoA: Seeker of Hearts - The Tin Man (Wizard of Oz) - Open your heart, choose from Love, not fear. Rejoice in your opportunity to experience an initiation into the realm of feelings, devotion, and compassion. ... Be a seeker of hearts and find ways to uplift friends and relatives in trouble. As a warrior of universal love, you have a special gift of the spirit to offer every person you meet on the path of life.

20191210 - the Path of Love

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