The Emperor, Light Grey Tarot

Reversed: "Domination, excessive control, inflexibility"

Oh, that rigid internal defense system, developed and refined throughout your life, in response to everything that happened to you.
Different parts cooperating tightly to 'keep you alive and functioning' (the only way they know how). 

A system that can make it hard for you to try new things, or to be flexible, or open, or compassionate.
Because it's a system that eats a lot of energy.
Because it's a system than works properly only within certain limits, in certain surroundings, and/or with certain people.
Because it's a system in constant alert.
#DysregulatedNervousSystem

It looks like this system is challenged now, like the master controller (Protector) of it is fairly annoyed?!

***

I know mine is. 
Part 1 of 2 of an IFS challenge yesterday.
Because I really want to reconfigure my inner defense system.
#CreateNewNeuralPathways 
#HealTrauma.
#UnburdenExiles
I've wanted this for quite some time (10 years give and take), and was thrilled when I 'stumbled upon IFS' a couple of weeks ago.

There are many parts in me screaming and freaking out right now!
The Skeptic, the Achiever, the Leader, the Thinker, the Controller.
The anxious, the dissociative, the hiding,
To name a few. 
They do NOT like this initiative of mine!
Or - want to #blend and take charge of the process!

The IFS model so resonates with me!
Not that I hear voices, or clearly feel personalities in me, but I've always clearly felt 'diverging/conflicting forces' within me.
It terrified me as a child.
I could (and can) "go to bed as one person and wake up as another" - what had happened during the night?!

2014 I found astrology, and could relate these energy changes to my 'planetary configuration'.
RELIEF!
Last Christmas I learned about 'little t trauma'.
RELIEF!
Now - IFS.
Relief/Dread :P

Deck: LightGreyTarot
Theme: "no black or white"