Knight of Cups, Holy Light Tarot

"Homecoming"

"a lifetime search to find his true heart's home"

This is not our typical Knight of Cups. It a knight 'seeming older than his king'.
"lacks interest in contending with the other Knights on the hierarchical ladder to a more prestigious assignment"
This is me all my life! Never wanted to 'get somewhere', all I ever wanted was to just 'feel at home'. Competing always felt squeezy to me. 
(Can you tell I never really rocked in job interviews :D)

"his role is to oversee and defend the domestic place."

So this nurturing thing is not just about taking a bath (see 2 days ago) and pampering yourself in the moment, but about 'creating and upholding a safe space' for yourself. 

"return after long estrangement from all he once held dear, this Knight's taste for adventure is exhausted."

Maybe you've searched it all your life (like me), only to now finally and truly realise that it isn't 'out there', as everyone told and taught you. Sure, you've known how futile the search for harmony out there is for quite some time, but still you haven't known how to access it within.
It slowly dawned upon you that your emotions (cups) hold the key, and how important a deep sense of safety is to feel at home. That you don't find through rushing around, battling, waving your sword or competing!

"Now he wants to live in harmony among friends and compatriots, where his help is wanted and welcomed. He craves a life that isn't punctuated by a fight at every turn."

That's ALL I ever wanted!!
But a difficult wish to follow, and even harder to fulfill, in a dog-eat-dog world. So instead (to survive), I followed the hopes, dreams and (well intended) guidance of others - though all my alarms screamed louder and louder #TheAnxietyMD 
I spent the first 32 years of my life running in the footsteps of others, and the last 9 trying to find my way back to my own needs and find the hidden path to fulfill those <3
#somaticexperiencing #traumahealing #healingtrauma #breakingpatterns

Deck: #HolyLightTarot
Theme: "explicit spiritual growth"