Five of Swords, Mermaid Tarot

Facing the feelings of fallout or disconnection.

The challenges, trials and tribulation of something 'coming and going' - like the ocean on the beach.
It may be manifested by a relationship going back and forth.
Something we just don't seem to 'catch'.
But what is it we can't grasp?

Even though we 'know' the space made by the forward and backward movement have 'natural causes' - or is necessary because of trauma responses needing the time, space and 'the absence of reaction' to heal - we can't seem to 'let it go', or 'rest in this knowing'.
We have this sense of wanting to 'defend ourselves', 'set boundaries' or 'confront'...something!! Anything almost!
But we don't, because we know it's not about them, we know there's nothing to defend, and we know there's no point in confronting someone 'acting unconsciously', from stored fear/trauma.
We know 'we've attracted this for our own healing'.
So we stay quiet.
We 'go within', as usual.

We get down into our emotions. 
We #contemplate
We find and fetch our inner reactions of fear.
But somehow it feels shallow, like we're surfing on the surface of it.
It's like we're never really 'getting to the bottom' of this type of emotion and situation.

Is it something SO tucked away and hidden by a part of us, so we can't find/reach it? #InternalFamilySystems

Or, is it a matter of having a #HeartWall ?
Or is it trapped emotions not even having to do with what's happening, and that's why we can't fully connect with them?  Maybe it's not even ours, but inherited ones...? #EmotionCode #BradleyNelson

This is an area/method I've just become inspired and intrigued by, right in time for the Gemini New Moon ON my natal Moon, right beside my MC. 
It intrigues me because I've ALWAYS felt that I carry around heavy stuff that just ain't mine (Venus/Pluto conjunction).
Both emotionally speaking, and physically speaking (trine Moon).
Carrying so much 'baggage'. Not mine - but somehow 'mine to release' - Chiron square Nodes ('skipped steps').
Moon inconjunct Uranus (freedom).

Deck: #MermaidTarot