Five of Swords, Dream Enchantress Tarot


"Grace and elegance in victory and perhaps regret; tragic eloquence in defeat and perhaps bitterness. Which experience is yours"?

I sign up on feeling the second!

It's the third time this exact card comes up in this Card of the Day series, which started in Oct 2019.
Very few cards have come up even twice (highly unlikely as I now have over 200 decks, and use them randomly)

Is there something/someone(s) outside of us "doing this" to us, or is it a part of ourselves pushing us down?
Someone(s) consciously or unconsciously neglecting us or "treating us less", causing a protector in us saying all kinds of stuff.

Activated anger, projected at our "perpetrator(s)" - as to not feel the intense pain (unhealed trauma/burdened parts) awakened inside. I see the two heads staring to the right - to the outside. The fiery red background.
Self-beating. That part of us telling us that it's our own fault. That it's because of us the "other(s)" do what they do. Something we did or didn't do, or that we're plainly not good enough, not interesting enough. That's why contact is on their terms, when it suits them, when they have time for us.
Shrinking/intellectualizing. When we understand that the "other" is acting unconsciously, because of their own traumas and/or "non-awareness". So we minimize our own experience and feelings. "You stay down there, don't make a fuzz, you know it's not personal, get over it".

The well drilled protector parts take turns, doing their things to numb, override or distract you (read: protect you) from the "unbearable pain".
Eventually the exile falls asleep again, highly dysregulated, only to awaken at a later time, screaming even louder.

How to get over/heal/let go those things on your own?! When you "know", you "see the big picture", "know the innocence" of the other(s), but yet - you have that inner child/exile/part who doesn't. Adult reasoning just doesn't sooth that young part.
Positive affirmations do not either! 

Tarot and astrology truly were life saving for me, finding their ways into my life back in 2014.
And all the geniuses out there spreading their knowledge and insights in books and podcasts.
The latest addition: IFS. Wish there were someone senior practicing it in my country!
Oh well, "What's a royal ball?" :)

Deck: #DreamEnchantressTarot
Theme: "a mysterious bridge between the conscious and subconscious"
Card: Five of Swords

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