In the Moment 8

Earlier moments.

Intuition, where art thou? Wherefore dont I heareth thee?

"Over the course of our lives, we internalize the voices of so many others - parents, siblings, friends, our inner child - and we deem them conscience."

"And then there are all the internalized voices of the various emotions we experience, such as fear, anger, or sadness"

"Guilt or shame (often interpreted as conscience) are two of the most insidious voices that can masquerade as intuition."

"And than there's the most dominant voice of all, in most of us: the intellect, the voice of reason, logic, common sense, and practicality."

So how shall I knoweth..?

"When the inner voice speaks, no matter what it has to tell us, it's always calm and without emotion."

"...knows what your future finances and responsibilities are going to be, knows if you're going to get a raise or lose your job. He/she also knows if there's a better price or better vehicle somewhere else. Or perhaps He/She has a different plan entirely (which will always be for your highest good)"

But I...

"All she can think about is how disappointed everyone will be if she "selfishly"...

"So rather than upsetting everyone else's day and heeding the wisdom from within, she crawls out of bed ..."

"...and goes about her day, pleasing everyone but herself. By not listening to her own inner voice, the vicious co-dependent cycle continues ..."

"The people around you may be disappointed when you change your plans, but in the long run, they will understand that you are following your guidance...."

So - right (brain) not left (brain), right?

"The mind sees things from a limited three-dimensional viewpoint; intuition is based on higher, more comprehensive reasoning. As hard as it is to accept sometimes, it helps to remind our mind that your inner guidance knows what's going on at all times. Talk to you mind - tell it that if it would just co-operate with your divine intelligence, the two would make a truly great team"

"The intuitive mind 
is a sacred gift 
and the rational mind
is a faithful servant.
We have created a society
that honors the servant
and has forgotten the gift."

~Albert Einstein ~

"Yeah, but... a competing voice we have to pay particular attention to because these two words will try to sabotage all the positive changes we try to make in our lives."

"Whenever you get a feeling to do something and his has an emotion attached to it - like fear, anger, shame, or guilt - that is definitely not intuition"


"The key to living life intuitively lies in always taking the time to do what you need to do to stay plugged into your source."

"It can create problems, especially if your partners are controlling ones, or are still living by the mind alone. They won't understand what you're talking about or why you'd want to live this way."

"They'll say things like 'join the real world'..."

"Having walked their shoes, you can understand their resistance, but you can't keep wavering back and forth between pleasing others or following the voice within. There are times when you have to choose"

"It's important to remember that hings are not always as they appear, and that we rarely can see the whole picture in any given situation. Sometimes when the inner voice says no, it's not even about us. It could be about other people in our life. For example, if your inner voice tells you not to buy what seems to be the perfect piece of property, maybe it's because it's really intended for someone else."

"I know living this way of life can be difficult if the people in your life aren't walking the same path as you are - and it can be especially difficult if they don't understand the path you have chosen - but that's no reason not to do what your inner guidance tells you."

"If you decide you want to tell the significant people in your life what you're doing, I always suggest keeping it simple. Explain that you've changed the way you do things and that you do things and that you're learning to listen to and live by your inner voice. Don't expect it to be easy." 

Me, or the Universe and and The Great Big Ben ticking? How shall I knoweth?

"...when it's Gods will, Universal will, or part of the divine plan (take you pick), God puts the desire in our hearts and then the Universe backs it up energetically."

"God's will doesn't go away..."

"You feel exited every time you think about your new endeavour, and yet there's a feeling of calmness and satisfaction as well"


"Living on Earth is a challenge. That's undeniable. And if you're trying to live on a spiritual path and live by your inner voice, it can be especially challenging. The world's rules are different from Universal rules. A lot of the things that we see as so important here in the material realm are not that important at all in the bigger scheme of things."

"The Universe never hands us problems or challenges greater than we can handle" 

"Heaven can be entered only through the narrow gate! The road that leads to destruction is broad, and it's gate is wide enough for all the multitudes who choose its easy way. But the Gateway to Life is small, and the road is narrow and only a few ever find it."
~ Matthew 7:13-14 ~

"I gradually began to realise that the creative power I was feeling was coming from a source other than just my personality."

"I began to realise that "it" (my soul, or higher self) seemed to know more than "I" (my personality self) did about a lot of things."

"Instead of figuring out what I wanted, setting goals, and trying to control what happened to me, I began to practice tuning in receptively to my intuition and acting on what it told me without always understanding why I was doing what I was doing. It was a feeling of letting go of control, surrendering, and allowing the higher power to be in charge."

"..."living in the light" involves travelling into the darker places within ourselves and shining the light of our consciousness into them so that we can truly love and express all that we are."


"As the evolution of human consciousness gains greater and greater momentum, we are being challenged, on a planetary level, to let go of our present way of life and create a new one. In a sense, an "old world" is dying, and a "new world" is coming into being."

"Our cultural conditioning has not given us the tools to develop a healthy connection with our inner realms of soul, intuition, and feeling, and to integrate them with our external world.
In a way, it's as if we've been in school four our entire lives, receiving an education that teaches the exact opposite of the way the universe actually functions." 

On and on mine w'rk f'r connection with mine owneth inn'r realms of intuition, soul, feeling, and lighteth goeth, en'rgetically back'd by the univ'rse

I wanteth to beest a parteth of the new w'rld!

(Shakespearean translator)



"Whatever is received, is received according to the mode of the receiver"
~ Thomas Aquina ~


"In my experience, we move from level 1 to level 9.
(Note that this is merely a teaching tool; real life is much more subtle)

1) My body and self-image are who I am.
Leads to a dominance of security, safety, and defence needs. Dualistic/polarity thinking.

2) My external behaviour is who I am.
Needs to look good outside and to hide or disguise the contrary evidence from others; I become so practiced at this game that the evidence is eventually hidden from myself, too.

3) My thoughts/feelings are who I am.
Development of intellect and will to have better thoughts and feelings and also control them so others do not know, and so, finally, that I do not see their self-serving and shadowy character myself. This 'education as a substitute for transformation' is very common among liberals and educated. Normally a major defeat, shock, or humiliation must be suffered and passed to go beyond this stage.

4) My deeper intuitions and felt knowledge in my body are who I am.
This is such a breakthrough and so informative and helpful that many become stymied at this level. Leads to individualism, self-absorption, and inner work as a substitute for any real encounter with otherness.

5) My shadow self is who I am.
The Dark Night. My weakness comes to overwhelm me, as I face myself in my raw, unvarnished, uncivilised state. Without guidance, grace, and prayer, most go running back to previous identities. Time is om essence here.

6) I am empty and powerless.
"God's Waiting Room." Almost any attempt to save self by any superior behaviour, technique, morality, positive role, or religious devotion will lead to regression. All you can do is wait and ask and trust. Here is where you learn faith and discover that darkness is the much better teacher. God is about to become real.

7) I am much more that who I thought I was.
Death of the false self, and birth of the True Self. But because you are not at home here yet, it will first of all feel like a void, even if a wonderful void. "Luminous darkness", as John of the Cross would call it.

8) "I and the Father are one" (John 10:30)
Henceforth there is only God, or as Teresa says, "One knows God in oneself, and knows oneself in God." All else is seen as a passing ego possession, and I do not need to protect it, promote it, or prove it - to anyone.

9) I am who I am.
- "just me." Warts and all... you know religion is just a finger pointing to the moon, but not the moon itself.
Fully detached from self-image and living in God-s image of you - which includes and loves both the good and the bad. The serenity and freedom of the saints. Total Nonduality."

[God can, in my personal perception (on the level I reside) be replaced with any larger-than-life-power. Nature/Tao/Universe...]

"If you do not find an objective standing point from which to look back at yourself, you will almost always be egocentric - identified with yourself instead of in relationship to yourself."

~ Richard Rohr - The Naked Now ~


One of my few recurring dream themes as a child and a teenager was failing to dial telephone numbers. I apparently perceived it as a big problem to reach my intended receiver! 

First it was that kind of phone with the number disc. I repeatedly had to start over the dialling, and never succeeded.
The number disc phone is a Swedish invention, a phone named 'Dialog'. Evidently - as my dreams showed me over and over - I perceived it necessary and as a major problem to create a 'dialog'!

My dreams then followed the technological development, and switched the dream phone type. First to the older mobile phones with buttons, and later on to the smart phone. Hence , it seems as if I continuously (and consciously) put much work in updating and changing my transmitting technique, but my perceived problems reaching my indented receiver and a dialog apparently remained unchanged! To my greatest frustration.


Dream language fascinates me so deeply, and the way it now daily helps me leaves me almost speechless (actually - as it's practically impossible to explain something happening and showing in you)! 

I never stop trembling in awe and reverence for the greater forces that govern my existence. Tirelessly present me with challenges, subtly serves me encrypted and concealed information, and continuously force me to grow (up), level up and clean up my act.


Now it's been almost a decade since my dial-failing dream period.
Does it suggest that I manage to reach my intended receivers better today, or has my desire to create a personal dialog ceased? Both?
Maybe it symbolised how I desperately searched for answers no one around me could give me?
I had questions, experiences and feelings no one seemed to understand. 
Not being able to dial - never making connection.
I have never felt true connection with another.
I never have sex dreams, and seldom dreams of intimacy (but fragments of it, though sporadically, are beginning to appear, since a couple of years).

The connection I searched for in others I have now found in myself - the most important connection of them all!
I now know and trust that the answers I used to crave (desperately need for survival and sanity) and desire from others can be found within myself (with a "little" help from wise people who have wandered and contemplated untrodden and hidden paths and truths before me, and written amazing books about it)!
It surely fills one with gratitude and some sort of Godly grace I guess, and wonder - how one come to deserve it all. A feeling that still comes and goes in my case - but the moment it pays visit is amazing, and unlike any worldly joy. A felling that have a tendency to flee or die when you try to describe it, as it is meant to be felt and lived - not described or talked about. 
Experienced in your right brain, not analysed by your left - and as those two can't exist together, it fades as the left brain enters the field I guess.

And, man, have I had a headache the last week... It's a brain battle going on at my quarters!


Though, I still very often dream of different kinds of phones (primarily the many mobiles I've owned), in different types of contexts. Last night for example, when I actually dreamed of my present phone, in it's present case - not that common. It got stolen, but I noticed it immediately, and promptly reached down the thieve's pocket, took it back and stared him in the eyes very displeased.


Yes Elvis, Where DO I come from?
And, to receive and transmit what? When? How?
I dream of many phones, but what's my Calling?!
Is the volume to low for me to hear it?
Is my phone on flight mode?
Is it charged?

Or, am I in God's Waiting Room (level 6 above) waiting for the (a) Call? 
Empty, powerless, charging my phone, practising my faith and trust, and asking a thousand questions. Lefty fighting righty.
Not completely unlikely. 


"I am approaching this theme in a hundred ways, because I know most of us have hundred levels of resistance, denial, or avoidance, ..."


"I call contemplation the tree of life, as compared to the other tree "in the center of the garden" of Eden, "the tree of the knowledge of good and evil" (Genesis 2:9), because these two serve as ideal metaphors for the two minds. The tree of the knowledge of good and evil represents "either-or" dualism, which we are strictly warned against, end even told not to eat."

"It is not the tree of life, but only the tree of "this or that"."


"Dualistic people use knowledge, even religious knowledge, for the purpose of ego enchantment, shaming, and the control of others and themselves, for it works very well in that way"

"Non-dual people use knowledge for the transformation of persons and structures, but most especially to change themselves and to see reality with a new eye and heart. They hold and "suffer" the conflicts of life instead of passing them on or projecting them elsewhere. 

They do not get rid of life's pain until they learn its necessary lessons"

"...we are now told that the atoms we breathe are physically the same as the stardust from the original Big Bang.
Oneness is no longer merely a vague mystical notion, but a scientific fact."

"I'm not writing this book to change anybody's beliefs, doctrines, dogmas, or moralities. I am hoping to change the mind by which you understand those very things."

"The ego and the false self hate change more than anything else in the world, and the mind is their primary control tower."

"One you accept ongoing change as a central program for yourself, you tend to continue growing throughout all of your life."

~ The Naked Now: Learning to See As the Mystics See, Richard Rohr ~


"The evolutionary biologist Robin Dunbar once said, "What sets us apart is a life in the mind, the ability to imagine." As it turns out, however, some people cannot.

You're saying what?!

"To aphantasiacs, this is incomprehensible and the ability to imagine is just absurd." (


I donĀ“t sign under "neurological defect" written on that page though.
I don't feel broken.

Annoyed, yes.
Broken (defect), no.

Sure. I have always really, (really, really, really) wanted to have sparkling imagination and fun fantasies - but I just... don't. (It would certainly have helped my during my school years - I S*U*C*K*E*D at all kinds of writing assignments, as they required at least an ounce of fantasy)
       And I really wan't to get on the active-imagination-train a'la CG Jung.
Or hop on the active-dreaming-ship a'la Robert Moss.

But I don't have a ticket for those rides.
I'm not "tall enough" for those carousels.

But why should we be the same and alike?


I neither feel blocked, nor defect.
I feel I have other capabilities instead. Like a blind person develops other functions more.
Until proven otherwise I'm convinced that I have been given a configuration suited my fated assignment. The contract my soul has signed with the universe. The responsibilities I am given by nature to fulfil, "or else".
For that I probably (apparently) don't need imagination.

Sure - it would be fun (I think) with imagination - but, apparently, in my case, unnecessary.
I don't have any haunting dreams telling me something is blocked, and - honestly - I don't feel that anything is missing. 

My ego think its sucks.
But I don't feel that there's something wrong.

Analogously with how I perceive my complex, peculiar, massive anxiety. 
My ego highly disapproves with it - but, again, no hunting scary recurring dreams (as if there is something I have blocked or resist facing), but (in my deep inner core) I can't feel that it is a defect either.

But, the million dollar question:

What the hell am I configured for?!

Having two uteruses - not wanting to have children - on top of it, like frosting on the cake.

It's a thinker... (and apparently it's literately meant for me to THINK it out !!! )

For The Universe to know - for me to find out.


"Neuroimaging has shown that mental imagery, although strongly associated with the left temporal lobe, requires the use of large networks of brain pathways. This means that aphantasia could potentially occur in different ways in different individuals.

I do have images in my dreams, and can recall things seen to some extent, but the images are generally not especially sharp, and are over-weighted by a combination of feelings, thoughts, words and "knowing what it looks like" rather than see it. 

"Interestingly, an aphantasic may have a visual memory which means they may be able to describe in detail about how things looked - the cat had blue eyes, the umbrella was pink and matched the skirt - even though they cannot see these very images in their mind's eye." (

"For some people, the visual mind is a blank canvas. Being asked to think of the ocean or a recent vacation or the face of a loved one conjures up nothing. There is no "mind's eye". No pictorial imagination. Just darkness.
     In recent years, scientists have dubbed the term 'aphantasia' - the absence of fantasy.

"If you tell me to imagine a beach, I ruminate on the 'concept' of a beach," he explained. "I know there's sand. I know there's water. I know there's a sun, maybe a lifeguard. I know facts about beaches. I know a beach when I see it, and I can do verbal gymnastics with the word itself."" (


I woke up in the middle of the night, and as I felt a little bit too awake to go back to sleep immediately so I quickly screened through my Facebook, and "coincidentally" stumbled upon the word Aphantasia.

Nature has so many escapades and aces up it's sleeves!

What if we would listen, learn, feel, sense - accept and adjust accordingly - instead of trying to cure, correct and control?


(following moments)

(preceding moments)